Wednesday, February 22, 2012

FF : I Feel Nothing Part 9



Arnav woke up early with the sun shining on his face...

He was momentarily blinded as he sat up and felt the bed, looking for Khushi...who wasn't there...

Arnav, trying to think rationally, got up and checked the bathroom, checked the poolside...

She wasn't there.

He pulled on some track pants and a shirt and speedily walked out of the room, heading downstairs...

He felt a twinge of comfort seeing Shyam's door securely locked...

Knowing that he wasn't anywhere near her gave him less reason to panic...

Arnav strode into the kitchen...

Oh thank God...

Khushi stood at the bench, busily preparing food...

"Will you ever learn?" he thought to himself..."We have a house full of servants and yet she wants to do all this herself..."

He smiled and cleared his throat...

Khushi immediately looked up..

Her nerves twisted and she started fumbling around...

"Goodmorning beautiful..." Arnav said walking towards her, noting her simple dress and tousled hair...

"G...good...morning.."

Khushi's lips formed a soft smile...

Arnav cornered her in the kitchen, "Listen carefully, I don't like waking up without you next to me...the first thing I saw today was the sun shining...no where near as glittery and bright as you..."

Khushi blushed a rosy pink...

Arnav's heart kicked into high gear...

He couldn't believe that she was actually responding to him...

His mind wandered back to the night before, where they had made love to the point of exhaustion...

So much passion...

So much heat...

But still, he knew she had been scared......

How would she be if he made love to her, just because he wanted her and just because she wanted him...

He stifled those thoughts for a moment as Khushi's eyes finally hit target with his...

Quickly taking advantage of the moment, he startled her with a kiss...

His arms went around her waist as he merged his body closer to hers...

He was so tall that she had to look up for her lips to reach his, which gave his tongue better access to explore her mouth.....

Khushi started to break away..."Ar...Arnavji, someone will come..." her brow furrowed with worry...

"You know Khushi, this is OUR house...we can do whatever we...." he paused noticing her very cautious expression,  and decided not to push her...

She was still hurting and he didn't want to jeopardize any progress he had made...

He didn't know what would trigger more distressing memories and flashbacks in her mind, but he knew that as soon as they came, he would be there just as quickly to reassure her...



...........



The day was going blissfully...

Loving looks...

Gentle brushes of her hair on him...

His hands touched her skin whenever he was near her...

He couldn't get enough...

And what thrilled him more, was the fact that Khushi wasn't flinching...

He prayed silently that it would always be like this, but in the back of his mind, he was terrified...

He was constantly watching her eyes for any sign of fear...

Hours later, Arnav was gardening and Khushi was reading a book close by...

There was a brief knock on the door, and Akash and payal came to the poolside ...

Payal quickly distracted Khushi as Akash went to speak to Arnav...

Khushi hugged her sister and said..."Jiji...I...I have missed you..."

Payal held Khushi's face and said, "I won't ever let our bond break...you are my sister...annoying as you are... "

Khushi felt tears starting to form and quickly changed topic...

Akash approached Arnav with a worried look...

"Akash, what's wrong?"

"Bhai...Payal and I are a bit concerned..."

Arnav immediately got irritated..."Akash, I told you, looking you straight in the eye, that I will NEVER hurt Khushi. EVER. I literally CAN'T hurt her again...my heart and mind and body won't LET me..."

Akash shook his head, "Bhai! Cool down...that's not what i mean...Buaji and Garima are coming for a quick visit soon...they should be here anytime now..."

Arnav looked confused...

"Bhai...every time they have come in the past, Khushi has locked herself away in your room...she hasn't seen them since...since that night when they disowned her..."

Akash quickly glanced toward Payal who nodded reassuringly...

Khushi was chatting calmly with her sister, so Akash continued, "did you want to inform Khushi's family about the situation? Before letting them see her?"....

Arnav felt like a dagger was twisting in his heart...

He hadn't thought of this.

Each time Khushi's family came to visit , he had already gone to the office...

He didn't know that Khushi STILL wasn't reunited with her family...

Arnav's eyes closed hard as he thought to himself..."what kind of heartless shell am I! I have been so blind! My own need for her has been consuming me! I want her to forgive and accept ME! but have I even thought about EVERYTHING she has had to go through?!...I will make this right...now."

His eyes opened and he said in a deep shaking voice,  "Akash, try to keep Khushi out here while I talk to them..." and Arnav marched into the lounge only to see Buaji and Garima already sitting there...

They had only seen glimpses of him over the last few weeks, and were quite surprised as Arnav Singh Raizada stood before them.

He greeted them politely, and they stood up to reciprocate.

It was all so formal.

He could FEEL the chill that surrounded them...

He sat and began detailing all the horrific events that had caused this misunderstanding...

Arnav took all the responsibility, while Shyam was being rightly blamed and condemned. 

The women remained quiet once Arnav had finished. 


"I am asking you both, as I am her husband...that you both ask her forgiveness for how you have treated her...I have. And am still trying to make everything up to her...she was devastated the day she lost you...and I was fool enough to do nothing...but I won't let her be hurt anymore...so I am asking...please right this..."

"I don't see any reason why we should..." said Buaji... "However this situation came about, however it happened...it was still done without any rituals, without any blessing...and nothing will change that. Your wife is your responsibility. Please bring out daughter Payal to meet with us."

Arnav stood and stared in disbelief, anger rising rapidly in his chest...

"Are you both mad!? Did you not HEAR what i just said to you!?..... And you still blame her!? BLAME ME! BLAME SHYAM! DON'T put anymore blame on her! She's very fragile at the moment and your attitude towards her is NOT acceptable! If you want to be present in this house, you will give her the love and respect she deserves!!"


....silence...


Then Garima spoke..."Arnav bitwa, we will act respectfully in your house. We will respect Khushi as your wife. But not as part of our family."  


Arnav, who was filled with disgust for these women standing in front of him was about to storm forwards and yell when he heard Khushi's voice...


"Amma? Buaji?" 


Khushi's expression was one of greif and hope...


Payal  gave him an apologetic look  as Akash came up beside her.....


Buaji and Garima both approached Khushi... "Mrs. Raizada. Namaste." 


And then... walked right past her to embrace Payal... 


Khushi just stared into space...


No tears...


Expressionless...


OH FUCK NO!!!!


He was now beyond furious, "How DARE you!....." 


Arnav started to go of on a tangent asking them how they could do this to Khushi when he heard Payal scream..."Khushi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



.................



Khushi watched in anguish as her Amma and Buaji walked past her to hug payal...

Payal hugged them with tears in her eyes...

Akash was shaking his head with hurt written on his face...

and then...

Her husband began cutting into them for their behavior...

Her heart start to shrink...

She felt it shrivelling up inside her at the memories...

Begging them...

Pleading with them...


Her wedding night, the night when everyone left her...

She remembered walking back into the RM all alone...

She remembered falling to the floor weeping...

alone...

Payal wouldn't listen to her, and left her alone...

Arnav insulted her, remained silent as she knelt before him imploring for an answer, but again...she was left alone...

Staring blankly into space, she started walking toward the entrance of the house...

Reaching the door, she turned back to look at the people who she still cared most about......

"If I caused of all this then I needed to be the one to end it...I need to leave, and live out the rest of her life alone..."

Shutting off her heart, she ran.

Payal looked up to see Khushi rushing out the door, and that's when she let out her haunting scream...

Arnav sharply turned only to see his wife's hair flying back as she ran out...

NO!

"KHUSHI!" he yelled and bolted after her.

Khushi didn't know where she was going, but she had to leave...had to get away...

"please don't let Arnavji catch me...please...please..." she whispered as she ran as fast as she could...


She made it to the end of the driveway when two of the strongest arms swung her harshly around...

"What the HELL are you doing!?!" He roughly pulled her into his arms..."Where do you think you were going!? Do you think that i'd EVER EVER let you leave me!? How could you even try!? " 

Arnav, overcome with furious love, was yelling at her......


Khushi shoved violently at his chest..."NO! LET ME GO!!! LET ME GO!!!!!"...


Arnav grabbed the back of her head, letting his fingers dig into her hair...


He fisted the dark strands around his hand and dragged her head back, forcing her to look at him...."Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada, you listen to me..." his voice started out frightfully quiet..."I will never let you leave me...Never! You can try to run, you can try every second of the day, but I will never let you go out of my life!" 

Khushi's whole body stilled.

She stood as still as a statue with her wide eyes glued to her husband. 

"Do you understand me! You are MINE!"


She didn't know whether to be afraid or protected...


She remianed motionless...


Arnav realized how hard he was grasping on to her and how loud he was yelling...


His hold on her became gentle as he saw her entranced..."Khushi?..."...


Khushi's trance broke. 


Her expression now fractured with all her pent up fury.....


She tried to push away from him again only to find his hold tighten ... 


"NO! YOU hurt me! YOU caused this! WHY would you do this to me! Why didn't you blame Shyamji!!!!!!! You let him get away with everything so easily! You immediately tormented me! You wouldn't even ... You .... You ... wouldn't  ... you...." she felt her head spinning....she felt her knees buckling...she had no strength to hold on and whispered in fear..."Help...Help me...I'm falling..." and she braced herself to hit the ground, completely unaware that Arnav's arms were still around her...

"No...you aren't falling Khushi...I'll always be here to catch you...you've trusted me with your body...you gave yourself to me completely...please ...Arnav Singh Raizada is begging you ...trust me with your heart...I am trying and will continue trying to protect you...lean on ME when you feel broken. Lean on me when you feel like your spirit is draining...let me be your strength...i WILL NOT let you down again..."

"I don't want to trust you!" Khushi said brokenly...

"I love you..." Arnav replied...

"NO! I won't trust you ever again!!!!!!"

"I love you..." Arnav's voice was failing to hold back his agony...

"NO!...no...no...I...I don't want to be here..." the fight inside her was starting to wane.

Her muscles were getting weaker, her head buzzing and spinning...

"I love you Khushi..." Arnav said looking into her eyes while tears streamed down his face....

"I love you Arnavji..." Khushi said as her eyes closed as she fainted into her husbands strong waiting arms...

Arnav, holding her close to his heart, just stared at her in shock...

Did, did she just say...???

He lifted her into his arms, and walked slowly back into the house, his eyes locked on her tearstained face, her words echoing in his mind...

Arnav entered the house in a hypnotized state...

"Khushiji!" Anjali shrieked as Arnav carried her in...

"Chote, what happened!? Is she okay!?" 

Anjali lifted Khushi's hand, rubbing her palms to force a response from her...."Chote!!! What happened?!"

She yelled at her brother who was still just staring at his wife's face...

Payal and Nani came over, feeling Khushi's forehead and smoothing her hair...

Nani  picked up the phone ready to call the doctors, when a voice  spoke above all the commotion...

"If she has merely fainted, the best thing for her would be a cold compress and then jalebi...she regains her strength that way..."

Everyone turned to see who spoke...

Garima.

Payal shot a look at her mother..."what! NOW you suddenly care! Now that Khushi has collapsed?!"

Arnav still unaware of everyone's chatter, just pushed through the crowd and marched upstairs cradling his wife's small frame...

Kicking his bedroom doors, demanding entry, he laid her gently down on their bed, caressing her face, moving her hair away from her sleeping eyes...

First, he turned back to close and lock the doors, then ran to the bathroom, drenched a wash cloth with cold water and returned to her placing the coolness on her forehead...

Sitting carefully beside her, he spoke quietly, "khushi...."

His hands were trembling.

His emotions were being stretched to the limit...

He had to get her away from all this...

He couldn't let her crumble from all this emotional torment...

"Khushi...I love you sweetheart...when you open your eyes I'm going to tell you that again...over and over and over..." he tried extremely hard to regulate his breathing..."I'm trying to be strong for you...and i will continue to be strong for you...but seeing you like this.....I've never known more pain... torture would be less painful...i am so sorry for everything...i just love you so damn much my heart aches..."

He stopped talking when he felt Khushi weakly grip his hand...

"Khushi?"...

Her consciousness floated back and she awoke hearing his words...

"I love you so damn much my heart aches..."...


She remembered running...


Arnavji stopped me...


She remembered hitting him...trying to break free...


He didn't let me go...


Khushi sat up with a start and launched herself into his rock hard chest...


His arms immediately wrapped around her as she cried...


"Why couldn't you have just let me run away...? Why couldn't you just let me disappear!?  Everything would have been settled...all the pressure gone...why couldn't you just let me end all this!?"  


Through her outburst Arnav stayed strong and steady. 


Holding her. 


Soothing her. 


Being there for her in a way no other man ever had. 


Once the storm of emotions subsided, she looked up at him. 


The tenderness in his eyes as he gently wiped away her tears almost sent her into another sobbing fit...


"We're going to go away for a few days..." Arnav stated firmly. 


Khushi just stared at him with tears blurring her eyes... "Ofcourse. Business is important. There's no need to tell me all the things you do for your work..." 


Arnav sighed and gripped her waist, pulling her closer to himself...


Her neck arched at the sudden movement...


"Khushi...i said WE are going away for a few days...This environment is too toxic for you...you and i need some time together...just us...no one else around...giving time for me to prove to you that this..." he held her tighter to show her what he meant..." this...what we have together...won't end. Ever. Because my heart, mind and body are fully and explicitly in love with you...”


Arnav gradually leaned in, giving her every change to back away, but she didn't...


He placed his hot open lips on hers...


She was only his... and She in turn owned him completely.



................



Anjali came to see how Khushi was only to see her and Arnav caught up in a tender moment...

She quietly closed their door and walked to her husbands room, looking around cautiously to make sure no one would catch her this time and get unnecessarily worried...

She walked in to find him pacing around..."Hey. Are you ok? You're causing localized ware and tare on that part of the floor!" she smiled, and went to hug him...

His face was contorting into a sick rage not knowing where Khushi was or what Arnav was doing with her...

Anjali pulled back and lifted his hand in her palm..." I still don't know how you could have broken your fingers just by tripping..."

Shyam, who was now getting sick of his own games just said, "what can i say, i'm not well. And when one isn't well their body just stops working..."...

Anjali shook her head..."not just their body, but obviously their mind too! Why would you hurt Khushiji? Just to make her keep quiet for me coming to see you!? She's hurting enough as it is...but...at least her and Chote are closer now than ever...their relationship is so connected that i'm sure this won't be the ONLY baby coming into the world so soon!"

She started to laugh joyously giving a smile to her husband then massaging her growing tummy...

Shyam's inner demon broke free.

He vowed silently that this was the last thing he could take...He would get Khushi. Or Die Trying...


3 comments:

  1. why why.... itna suspense... :D its a great update :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ok he should ask them to leave love how he is trying to make everything right after know everything they feel the are still right loved the update can't wait to see what he will do love it (DUMAS)

    ReplyDelete