Saturday, April 6, 2013

SS : Take What's Left Of My Heart Part 4


Arnav woke up staring hazily into the darkness…

It was only 1am.

His sleep had been disturbed ever since that day.

He was unable to sleep through the night…

Almost every hour he would wake up hearing moans…

Haunted by his action…

Haunted by her pain, her eyes, her cries…

The color of her blood would flash before his eyes, and he would feel sick.

Rolling over, he saw Khushi sleeping soundly…

Finally she was sleeping without quietly crying…

Night after night, she would cry as she slept…

It broke his heart every time he heard her…

He wanted to sleep on the couch, but Khushi had insisted that he stay in their bed.

Although, because of his guilt, he would propel his body far from hers…

Standing up, he wandered to the window, only to remember her falling out the doors…

Briskly turning away, he moved to walk outside, only to remember hauling her to her feet after she fell…

Stifling a growl, he leaned his back against the wall…

Only to remember assaulting her body as he held her against it…

Lost.

He was lost.

The sense of belonging he once had with Khushi had been broken.

By him.

For days, he had been showering her with happiness.

She had begun to smile once again…

Family life had become easy for all…

Except him.

His psyche was tortured.

Day and night.

His hatred for himself was only second to his hatred towards Shyam.

But finally, for once in his life, he made his anger take a backseat.

He wanted, needed, to make Khushi feel loved...feel happy.

He knew he would never again feel whole.

Not after what he did.

But he was determined to make HER feel his love.

He remembered only the day before, as he worked on his laptop, and as she was hanging out washing by the pool…



He looked up just as Khushi was about to hang up one of her dupattas to dry…

Their eyes locked through the thin blue fabric…

His filling with love and admiration.

Hers flooding with fear.

"Why is she afraid?" he thought

He stood up quickly and began walking towards her…

"I...well...I forgot that you don't like…"

Arnav gently reached for her hand…"I don't mind what you do Khushi...This is YOUR house...it is OURS…"

She stared at him, unblinking.

For a moment, her eyes flashed with an unreadable emotion, only to disappear as quickly as it had appeared.

"I...I can move everything...I don't…"

Arnav stepped closer…"I love you...I only want happiness for you…"

"But…"

His other hand shook as his fingers grazed her cheekbones…




Darkness.

His memory from the day before ended.

"She stood in front of me." his thoughts tormented him…"...she just stood there...letting me touch her hand...touch her face…"

Shamefully, he turned away from her…

"but...how can I keep what I did from her...how I...I raped her..."

His fists clenched, his injured hand not as pained as before...

He had tried to keep the wound open, but Khushi only cared for him, treating his injury, bandaging it...truly concerned for his pain...

Now standing in the middle of the room, he wanted to fade away...

"My behavior is no longer a lie...I love her...I am treating her the way I have ALWAYS wanted to treat her...if she knew...she would never...I would lose her…"

A loud terrified cry suddenly shocked him to attention.

He spun around, his eyes instantly locking onto his wife…

The moment she moaned again, He darted over to her…

She was writhing in her sleep…

Her face contorting with fear…

He gently held her shoulders…"Khushi...Khushi...wake up…"

She suddenly gasped with fright as she continued to kick and toss…

Gripping her shoulders more firmly, Arnav held her still…"Khushi!"

As her eyes sprung open, he saw raw fear…

The fear she had shown moment before he had forced himself inside her…

But instead of focusing her fear on him, she sat up rapidly and threw her arms around him…

"Khushi? Khushi shhh...You're safe...you're with…" he stopped himself …

How can I say she's safe with me when I am the one who has hurt her the most…

"It seemed so real...so...so real…" she panted...

His brows scrunched up…"It was just a dream...only a dream...You're okay...I promise…"

Squeezing him tighter, Khushi shuddered…

"What can I do to help you calm down?  What did you dream about? Tell me, and I can made damn sure that it never happens…"

Khushi moved her fingers nervously on Arnav's neck…"It...it was about you…"

And icy chill spread through his heart…"About me?...what...what did...did I do?"

"You...you forced me to...you...you took your rights as a husband...and I could do nothing to stop you…"

Arnav's heart began to crumble as he felt her cling to him for safety…

Completely and utterly disgusted with himself, he moved back and held her forearms…

"Khushi...Khushi…that…"

Her hands reached for him..."I could feel my heart breaking in my dream...I could literally feel it…"

"Khushi…"

She shook her head…"no...it...it was just...it was as though I was really living it…"

Oh God...she knows...she had blocked it out...but her subconscious is trying to warn her…

Khushi pulled Arnav closer…"I know you would never...I know you wouldn't…"

Arnav was going out of his mind with pain and guilt…

Her desperation for him to keep her safe...

He couldn't take it...

"KHUSHI! IT WAS REAL!"

His loud confession echoed in her ears…

And as her gaze locked with his, all at once, harsh memories slammed into her…

Arnav waited.

Waited for a reaction.

Any reaction.

Finally, it came…

"...no…" she whispered as her body shook…

His eyes slammed shut hearing her anguish…

"...no...no…It was a dream…"

His hand moved slightly on her shoulder, and she flinched in shock…

Feeling as thought the earth had been pulled out from under him, Arnav stumbled back away from the bed and slumped against the wall…

Khushi moved onto her knees while clinging to the bed covers…"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!? NO! I DON'T BELIEVE...I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE...NO!"

Arnav pressed his fist to his chest, trying to dull the wrenching pain…

Jumping to her feet, Khushi cried out in pain as she took two fast steps towards him…

As Arnav looked up at her, his eyes shot out another memory…

She stopped suddenly as the entire scenario played horrifically in her mind…

Her fall, his brutality, his force...

"No..." she shook her head again, "Please Arnavji...please tell me that it's not true...please…"

Arnav wanted to reach out to her, to walk towards her…

But his feet were bolted to the floor…

He couldn't go near her...not now...not now that she remembered…

"K...Khushi...Khushi I'm sorry...I'm so sorry…"

Her head started to spin as she tried to deny it once more…"no...tell me! it didn't happen!

"Khushi I'm sorry! I did a very very bad thing! I was insane with anger, and I took it out on you, the one person who I love more than anything!"

"...love?..."

He heard her breathe the question…

Which only shattered him further…

"...yes...I love you…" he stepped forwards slightly…"I was so stupid...so blind by anger...that I...I…" he violently raked his fingers through his hair…"NO! No! I can't justify what I did Khushi! I am just so...so damn sorry!"

Falling to his knees before her, he clutched onto her, wrapping his arms around her waist…"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

He repeated it over and over…

Khushi felt herself go numb…

"Khushi, please believe me, I won't ever, ever do anything to hurt you again...please…"

"...no…"

She had merely mouthed the word, and yet, his heart heard it…

Looking up, the agony on his face was almost unbearable…"no? … Khushi, please…"

"You are a totally different person to me now…"

Standing, he decided to forsake his fear and he lifted his hands to gently hold her face…

Khushi quickly retreated backwards…

"Khushi, I am not going to hurt you...I love you...I love you more than…"

"I am not afraid of you...just don't...don't touch me..."

Her words struck him.

"I am not afraid. I know that in your anger, you lashed out...but...you...you are a completely different person to me now…"

His heart was thundering so loudly that he was sure she could hear it…

"I will do anything Khushi, I will do anything to make you happy, to gain your trust back, no matter how long it takes...no matter how long…"

"I...I...I always knew that your anger would spiral out of control, I just never thought that I would be it's target…"

Slowly, even though she stood as still as a statue, Arnav wrapped his arms around her…

He enveloped her with his strong arms in and embrace so gentle that it brought tears to her eyes…

But when he tightened his grip, her abdomen seized up with sharp pains…

She gasped with shock and tried to pull away…

Arnav saw her pain, and was once again trampled with guilt…

Khushi began to stumble and before she could fall even and inch, his arms were around her…

Time stopped as he held her in suspension…

His eyes were desperately trying to search hers…

But all he saw were tears.




9 comments:

  1. wht... oh no.. did he really say the truth to her/// unbelievable..
    no wwhat.. am worried for both of them now.... how will he make her forget the pain n hurt

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  2. beautiful update

    I was expecting such reaction from Khushi

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  3. I knew he wouldn't be able lie to her

    I know he is sorry and hates himself for what he did
    but Khushi has lost all her trust in him

    Poor thing is going to lock herself up emotionally

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  4. such a sad and emotional update
    poooor khuhsi feel soo soory for her
    so she found out the truth
    cant wait to see how he wins her love again
    update soon

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  5. amazing update
    i knew that was coming.. but its good that he said the truth to her

    i fell sad 4 both of them :(

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  6. awesome update!! he told her the truth..... poor khushi..... feel so sorry for her

    -Shwetz- IF

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  7. amazing update

    thank god he told her

    that better 4 both

    but i reall y felt bad 4 them

    continue soon

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  8. Amazing update. Emotional.

    -desisweetheart9 from IF.

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  9. The wrapping his hands around her waist and her saying "you are completely different person to me now"

    is from the series F.R.I.E.N.D.S right?

    ReplyDelete